Legal guide to parentified children

Parenting cases in family law are typically the most important and pressing circumstances that come before a Court. This is because time is of the essence, particularly where a child is in an unsafe situation (for example, they are either at risk of harm, or being harmed). Naturally, one of the parents or another interested party will want to change the status quo as soon as possible.

One such pressing situation is where one parent is not caring sufficiently for their child and in such a manner as to lead that child to have to take on responsibilities and obligations which are inappropriate for their age. This article will explore the concept of ‘parentification’ and the harm it can cause to children, alongside real-life family law examples.

What is a parentified child?

A parentified child involves a child who is behaving in a way that does not align with their age and bearing responsibilities and duties which would not ordinarily be expected of them, but rather of someone much older. Nearly all of the time, it is a direct result of one or both of their parents failing to meet their emotional, physical or psychological care. In some circumstances, this could be an unfortunate result of a tragedy, such as a sudden illness or death. However, it may also occur due to a parenting style, or the traits of the parent themselves, being harmful.

Typical parentified traits include where a child is forced to adopt a caretaker role for a parent(s) or a sibling(s), being asked to become too independent at too early an age, being burdened by the guilt of situations out of their control, or a lack of enjoyment in typical childhood activities and experiences.

The harm lies in the child experiencing a dysfunctional childhood and abnormal emotional and psychological development, which can significantly increase the risk of depression and burnout. The child also typically experiences neglect, childhood trauma, difficulties with emotional regulation, low self-esteem, and tends to prioritize others over themselves.

Adultification vs parentification

Parentification differs from adultification by way of the manner in which a child is expected to act. Parentification is moreso based upon a child adopting a caregiver role and the accompanying responsibilities and obligations, whereas adultification has more to do with considering a child as if they are an adult.

An example would be as follows:

• A child exposed to parentification may have a parent who is suffering from depression and is constantly struggling emotionally, and so the child feels a need to care for their parent to improve their wellbeing.
• A child exposed to adultification may have a parent who works long hours and so is expected to cook and clean for themselves, as well as take care of their own washing, despite them being of an age where this is inappropriate.

Although neither situation is in the best interests of a child, parentification can involve higher risks of harm to a child than adultification.

Is parentification abuse?

Yes, parentification can reflect a form of emotional abuse. Whether parentification reaches this extent of characterisation is dependent upon the circumstances of each situation at hand.

However, what is consistent is that the Family Law Act requires consideration of any previous neglect or abuse involving the child when contemplating arrangements that would be in the child’s best interests. Such arrangements are naturally intended to promote the safety of the child and avoid the risk of any abuse of neglect.

Consequently, any circumstances involving parentification that are deemed to be a significant risk of harm to a child will be a strong factor against time between a child and a parent continuing, or being ordered for, that parent.

Real-life parentified child cases

Parentification is a dynamic not often seen within the family law courts. Like many contentious issues that arise within parenting matters, a Court is required to apply the civil standard of proof, being on the balance of probabilities. The types of evidence that are available to prove factual issues in a parenting case can also complicate proceedings.

The decisions of the Court in the case of Bergeron & Bergeron [2022] FedCFamC2F 644 involved aspects of parentification.

• The Court Child Expert raised concerns about a child being parentified (took on the role of the Mother’s carer and were distressed about the thought of losing time with M).
• M would feel sad if the child were with the Father, so the child didn’t want to spend time with F.
• [Child] would seem to be sacrificing her relationship with F for the happiness of M.
• The CCE was worried about child’s mental health, including self-harm and suicidal ideation.
• The child required intervention that could not be influenced by either parent.
• The Court accepted expert evidence of ‘significant risk of personality disorder and mental health issues through being significantly parentified in the care of M’.
• Notwithstanding the Court’s ultimate finding about parenting arrangements, an order was considered necessary that the child attend therapy to address parentification due to the expert’s opinion that the risks could continue in either household.
• Parental responsibility was ordered in favour of F, alongside a brief moratorium on time with M and thereafter occasional time between M and the child.

How to deal with parentification

Ideally, parentification never arises during parenting proceedings and the child involved is able to experience a normal childhood, as shielded as possible by the parents from any disputes.

Should parentification arise, however, it is an issue that can rarely be fully attributed to one sole parent. Instead, it is the responsibility of both parents to address and rectify.

As seen within the real-life cases above, court orders have been made for children to attend therapy to address parentification. Such an outcome could naturally be addressed by parents prior to court involvement.

An important consideration of parentification is recognition and acknowledgement; once this happens, it can be addressed. However, if one or both parents are ignorant or strongly disputes the existence of parentification, court intervention will likely be required.

Finally, each parent doing their best to educate themselves about parentification and ensuring they act in their child’s best interests will almost always produce the best possible outcome for their child, in a proactive manner.

Contact Turnbull Hill Lawyers

Parentification is rarely the primary, decisive issue within a family law parenting case. However, that does not diminish the importance of recognition, acknowledgement and action on improving a child’s situation. It can represent a significant risk of harm to a child and is taken very seriously by the Court.

Expert legal advice can help to address the existence of parentification and obtain an outcome that you believe is in your child’s best interests. If you have concerns about parentification involving your child, contact our experts in our Family Law team.